I hate having regrets.
When I was in Grade Seven, I decided to become a lawyer. It was part of a career cruising exercise where we had to find through series of pointless questions which career would fit us best. I got lawyer. And that became my goal.
In university, I realized that I did not have the kind of motivation needed to actually get into law school. I should have not even tried. I still tried. I wrote my LSAT three times and applied to law schools twice, needless to say that I did not get in either times. Do I regret not getting in? No. Because I applied twice.
In Grade 8, we had to choose our high school. Usually, that school was the local school in ones neighbourhood. I applied to an alternative school 45 minutes from my house. Why? Just because I liked it. Despite objections from my parents, I still applied and I got in. Ursula Franklin Academy, Graduate of 2007.
In Grade 11, I decided I wanted to take all three sciences. Why? Just because. I did not want anything to do with them in the future but I still wanted to take them. The first month in and I knew I was going to fail Physics. Wanted to drop it but didn’t. Why? Because I couldn’t give up. Even if I had to barely pass it, which I did, I wanted to complete it.
I went to Pakistan last August to visit my Grandmother, who passed away on the 1st of October. While, I was there I arranged a meeting with a Editor-in-Chief of a major newspaper in Pakistan. I had no intention of living or working there. But I still went to the interview. Why? Just to give it a try. Can I make it? Weirdly enough, I did.
But I do have regrets.
Not trying hard enough to get the appropriate marks to get into Law School, despite knowing that I could. If I could get a 75% on essay written (and researched) a couple hours before they were due, I am sure I could have received a higher mark if I started on them earlier.
If I hadn’t been stubborn enough to not drop Physics (and French), my Grade 11 average would have been a lot higher. Not that it matters now but it did at that time.
Going to the interview. Passing the first interview. And then not showing up to the next one, organized just for you. I regret it. To have all the editors of a newspaper sitting in a room waiting for you and having you cancel the meeting just prior to it is regrettable.
In a way, I closed all the doors to ever getting a job there. I regret it.
There are other things I regret, such as not speaking up when I should and speaking when I shouldn’t have.
I hate the feeling of regret. Been trying to avoid it all my life but it keeps on catching up. But I promise not to let it take over my life.
Because I hate regretting.